19 November 2008

From Fear into Freedom

Spanish Loveliness

Costa Del Ladies

In december of 2007 we hired a movie called "Blood Diamonds" with Leonardo De Caprio. Set against the backdrop of civil war and chaos in 1990's Sierra Leone. A violent movie which had a terrible impact on me. In January the following year I had a vision, a nightmarish one, where I saw civil war and violence in our own country(South Africa). A few months later we did have terrible violence, where xenophobia struck our country and people from other countries in Africa were displaced and brutally attacked.
Many white South Africans were once again leaving our beautiful country. I had thoughts of the same. For the next few months I was gripped in fear. Paralized by it in fact. I just didn't want to be in South Africa where we have all this crime and violence.
I had been a victim of an armed robbery the year before at a friends house, we weren't harmed at all, but the invasion on ones space and person is quite infuriating and humbling at the same time.
I suppose I didn't deal with the trauma at the time because I didn't feel traumatised at all. In fact it was quite a strange out of body feeling then- and I felt no fear. The reality of what could have happened struck me a year later when I saw the movie, had the vision and then the actual violence of the xenophobic attacks..
I went into a very dark space of feeling very very fearful, angry, hopeless and depressed.
I wanted to remove myself from this harsh experience.
I want to leave South Africa and relocate to Spain. I travelled to Spain about 10 years ago and loved it. This is where I started an escape from reality. I had and still have this romantic notion that it would be so beautiful, carefree and inspiring. AND SAFE. I started searching on the internet for properties to buy to renovate. They say artists live in a world of fantasy. Well thank goodness, it was my saviour. I definately escaped on a very creative and inspiring journey this time. I removed myself from and dealt with the fear that gripped me, I transmuted it into freedom. I didn't have to sell up and uproot. I was free to be the gypsy, I could escape and paint away the fear. I think I drove my husband and family crazy.
For me this experience was about dreaming, about imagining; in the day, in the night and in my creations...
Where in Spain I travelled to I don't know. I just know I found fabulous places and here "my little cortija in Spain on a Finca " dream came about.

The whole experience was an inspiration for a series of art work.
This vision and dream continues to be a source of inspiration for my paintings, and one day I will return to Spain. Cordoba

Little Boxes
Spanish Houses

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